Morning Wood - By Nate Amos

I really hate my morning wood
I would stop it if I could
It's there before I sleep and there when I awake
The goddamn thing won't leave away for Christ's sake
I can't point to the toilet bowl
It pisses way out of control
It pops up so high
It does not act shy
All my piss will fly
It does not go away
It stays hard all day
I want it in a chick
But I can't control my dick
I tried to piss in the toilet several times
But couldn't so made a drink of lemon lime
I gave it to my dad
And he took a drink
He said it tasted bad
And spit it in the sink
One time I was unaware
I wasn't zipped up down there
So of course my woody popped out
I heard all the people around me shout
All the girls were in shock
I was expelled for showing my cock
I tried so much to make it soft
Couldn't so I tried to cut it off
It wouldn't cut
Not even with a saw
I called up a slut
She chomped it with her jaw
It was so hard all her teeth had broke
So she took my money and bought herself some coke
This was my last chance
And I needed to stop it
So pulled I down my pants
And I called Loraina Bobbit
"What's wrong?" she asks, I said "I'm so hard my dick hurts!"
She came right over and she brought over her scissors
She took one look and she wanted to get it on
She told right up front "You're so much bigger than John!"
I said "Hell no b*tch, get the f*ck out of my face"
So I smacked her with my sac and made her leave the place
I left my house to go jump of a cliff
Because I'm tired of always being stiff
I accidentally bumped into this guy over on the way
It poked him in the ass and he said "Hey man, I ain't gay!"
"Sorry man" I said, but some prick around us laughed
So this guy pulled out a gun and shot my dick in half
I smiled and picked it up and got back in my car
I took my wood home and I put it in a jar
I am so happy now that my wood is gone
It was really hard for so very long
Now tonight I can sleep
It won't make a sound and won't make a peep
So now I turned out my light
And told my wood goodnight